I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
