I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
