have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
