I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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