my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
