ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
