Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
