I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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