Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
