Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
