If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
