Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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