He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
