you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
