So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
