walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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