Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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