I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
