Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
