Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
