Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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