If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
