i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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