SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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