you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
