your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cannot find my penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
