She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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