Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have post one night stand depression
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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