I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
