And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
