You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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