I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
