I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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