Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
