At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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