Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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