A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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