I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
