We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
