Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
