dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
