you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
