Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im part way to drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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