ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
