you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
