Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
