About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
