i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
