What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
