When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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