your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
