Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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