drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
