Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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