Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
