My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
