yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
